Fireball Wants to Make Whiskey Using Real Human Tears

Football season is in full swing, and for some fans, it's been a great year so far. For others (sorry, Carolina Panthers fans), it's been a season of misery. In fact, for certain fans, it's been such a lousy season all they can do is cry about it. And now, Fireball Whisky wants to turn those tears into something that at least tastes good with its new Crierball. 

Yes, that's right — Fireball Whisky is looking to make a first-of-its-kind whisky crafted with real human tears.

"This is not a joke; this revolutionary limited edition salty liquid whisky is blending emotion with flavor for an unforgettable drinking experience and fans can contribute their tears to this special batch," the brand shared in a statement provided to Food & Wine. 

According to the company, the product is "inspired by both football's biggest fans and crybabies." to make Crierball real, the brand says it's going to be on-site at games across the nation to honor the biggest sports rivalries and to collect the real tears of football fans if their team loses (or hey, they could be happy tears too). 

"The brand has trained official Fireball Tear Collectors, who will be fully outfitted in red hot gear that has a large 'Fireball Tear Collector' featured so fans know who to supply their tears to in a safe and sanitary manner," it added. "Our tear collectors will be catching fans' lacrimal fluid during the month of November." 

The company added that, for safety, the Fireball Tear Collectors will never touch fans or handle the tears directly. Instead, "they’ll only collect fluid right from the source (fans eyes), using sealed jars and tear droppers, they can gather everything from a steady stream of sobs to a single tear." All the jars are sealed, and the droppers are sterilized and are limited to one use per person. 

Then, the jars will be placed in storage and transported to the distillery facility. "All watery eyes are welcome, and we know crying in public might give you stage fright, but rest assured our tear collectors have tools (menthol sticks) to help stimulate your tear glands safely if fans need it," it added. Then, the tears will go through a months-long sterilization and distillation process before ultimately becoming Crierball. 

Want your tears to be a part of this revolutionary drink? Here's where you can find Crierball tear collectors:

• November 10: Philadelphia Eagles vs. Dallas Cowboys in Dallas, TX
• November 17: Green Bay Packers vs. Chicago Bears in Chicago, IL
• November 17: Baltimore Ravens vs. Pittsburgh Steelers in Pittsburgh, PA
• November 30: Auburn Tigers vs. Alabama Crimson Tide in Tuscaloosa, AL
• November 30: Michigan Wolverines vs. Ohio State Buckeyes in Columbus, OH
  

Fireball added that its plan is to have this "salty-cinnamon innovation ready for next football season." Hopefully, by then, some teams (cough, cough, Patriots, cough cough) will get their act together.